This summer has turned out to feel more crazy than I ever imagined. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that I now have 4 kids . . . or if it has been the big family events . . . it is probably a little of both . . . but I can't wait for the day when I feel relaxed enough to sit down and breathe.
Where do I even begin? It is 4am in the morning . . . and I am awake. That is usually a pretty good indicator that I am completely stressed out. My mind starts thinking too much and then I can't sleep . . . and I would really rather be sleeping.
I guess I will just start with this week. Ben started his EMBA program at BYU. It is orientation/residency week. We are so excited that he is able to do this! But . . . I have only seen him for maybe a few hours this week so far. He has been pretty unavailable this week since orientation is during work hours, and his nights have been filled up with other things. Welcome to the next two years of my life I guess. I realized yesterday how often I call him while he is at work to talk about "stuff". You know . . . what do you want for dinner . . . what should I do about this or that . . . "stuff". It is different feeling like he is unavailable to talk to me about my "stuff." I am doing okay, it is just going to be an adjustment to be by myself so much.
Ben works during the day, but also often does other jobs on the side. With school starting, the side jobs are going to go for the most part. We love working off a budget and were trying to figure out how we could still maximize our savings with this strain of school. We had this crazy idea a month or two ago to just rent out our house (since it is a terrible time to sell) and find something cheaper to just rent while in school. We looked around a little bit, but didn't find anything. We weren't really that serious about it anyway. We really like where we live . . . and don't HAVE to move . . . so not much motivation.
A few weeks ago though, I was looking online at houses JUST FOR FUN. Not seriously thinking I would find anything. I just like to look every so often . . . you know . . . I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. Anyway, I found something in a different city that was quite a bit smaller than our house, and not very cute on the outside, but the inside was okay, maybe even cute. I figured if we could rent out our house, then this other house would save us about 1/3 in housing costs. That seemed significant! But again, we don't HAVE to do this. I showed it to Ben just for fun, but didn't think we would act on it.
Ben scheduled a walk through. I like to look at houses and even walk through them, so this still didn't mean anything. We walked through, noted that it would be a downsize from our house, but kind of liked it anyway.
Well, it turns out that we decided to see if we could possibly find someone who we are comfortable with to rent our house before we commit to anything. We have had one application turned in so far . . . but once I checked out a reference, found that it is a person we will not rent to. Someone else came by last night and said they really liked the house and that they would turn in the application today. They want a 3 year contract. I think I am going to throw up.
I don't deal very well with change. It really is amazing that I have not yet had a heart attack and I often wonder if I should get ahold of some anti-anxiety medication. Maybe they won't turn in the application . . . but if they do . . . I have a feeling that we might be comfortable with them in our home. Which means . . . that we would actually move somewhere else next week before school starts for Abby and Halle. Are we absolutely nuts??????? Who moves when you don't have to? The savings would be significant, but at the same time, we are surviving without them. I was only looking at houses FOR FUN. I WAS NOT trying to turn my life upside down. But . . . SOMETIMES I feel good about it and then the other times I feel like throwing up. Ben seems to feel good about it ALL of the time.
What are we doing?
5 comments:
Hang in there Shelley! I think what you're doing is a very brave thing, and you're a great example to all of us. We'll miss having you so close, but we'll still plan on hanging out. Good luck.
Shelley, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. I can't imagine being in your shoes, and when I try, I just feel tired! But I have been praying for the Lord to strengthen you, and for you to feel his strength . . . there are things we can't handle alone, but we can indeed handle anything and everything with him. I wish so badly that I was there to help you! I would love to take those kiddies for a while every week!!
That is such a hard decision . . . Moving affects so much, besides just the comfort of your home, it determines the people you meet, the friends you and your children have, and the experiences you have as a family. Money is important, but peace is even more important. If you get both, great! But don't sacrifice peace for money. It's a careful balance of weighing priorities: location, schools, the home itself, money, lifestyle (as if you guys aren't already the most frugal people I know!), convenience.
I can't tell you enough how I can tell how much your children love you, and how you are doing such an amazing job! One morning, one afternoon, one dinnertime at a time, you are shaping these precious spirits in ways that Heavenly Father can't help but be proud of. Yes, we are not perfect and we fall to our weaknesses, and although it's all we can do to survive some days, we will soar through others. And every day, our best is enough.
You and Ben and the kiddies are in our prayers. Love you!!
P.s. Some anti-anxiety meds wouldn't be so bad. My little family has greatly benefited from them in the past :)
Oh Shelley....I almost threw up myself when Abby told me today that you guys are moving.
You're so brave and strong....I'm sure Heavenly Father will guide you to make the right decision. Hang in there!
It will be sad to loose my neighbor and I'm sure Tiago and Tiffany will miss the girls but you can always come back in 3 years....yikes!
We'll be praying for you!!!!
oh my gosh! I can't even imagine what you are going through...I can't believe all that change in your life...your title was very appropriate! I love your home, so i can not imagine you anywhere else...but i guess if you and ben get the answer that it is right than i am sure that in the future you will look back at this decision and understand why you were led to move...trial of faiths are so hard! good luck with everything!
love you, Rebekah
Wow - you are brave... So are you moving for sure? I had so much fun getting caught up on your blog posts. You are amazing. How do you do it! Hang in there. I loved the pictures of the blessing / baptism day.
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